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Experiencing rejection, notably when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. An editor is saying no, delivering a clear “No.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began proposing manuscripts 50 years back, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and countless short stories. Over the past two decades, specializing in op-eds, the denials have only increased. Regularly, I face a setback frequently—adding up to more than 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. Today, I could have a PhD in rejection.

However, is this a complaining tirade? Absolutely not. Since, at last, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: Now, almost every person and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never tracked my success rate—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: recently, an editor turned down 20 articles in a row before saying yes to one. In 2016, over 50 editors declined my book idea before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 literary agents passed on a book pitch. One editor even asked that I send articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

In my 20s, every no hurt. I felt attacked. It was not just my writing was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. What went wrong? Why would they be blind to my talent?
• Next, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What do editors know? Who made you to decide on my work? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, frustration at them, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with optimism). What does it require you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, despair. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

This continued for decades.

Notable Examples

Of course, I was in excellent fellowship. Accounts of writers whose books was at first turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his school team. Most US presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in races. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and desire to star were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Later, as I reached my senior age, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an reviewer may have recently run a similar piece, or be planning one in the pipeline, or be considering that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the reader feels I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Or isn’t in the market for the wares I am offering. Or was too distracted and read my submission hastily to see its value.

Feel free call it an realization. Any work can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are permanently not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are your fault. Admittedly, my ideas and work may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my grammar, especially dashes, was annoying.

The essence is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at 65—and over 1,000 articles. My writings have featured in newspapers large and small, in local, national and global sources. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for half a century.

Still, no major hits, no signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no presentations, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can better handle no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest successes have cushioned the stings of my setbacks. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Instructive Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. What teachings have I gained?

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